“For… well forever, my dream of playing football at the international level has been just that: a dream… but actually, a different kind of dream,” wrote Christen Press in her blog after winning the gold medal at the 2012 Olympics. Witnessing a box office 80,000-seater Wembley…greeting names like Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt, getting congratulations from Kevin Durant and Carmelo Anthony…all the attention—it was beyond what Press could have imagined.

She called it a “fuzzy, frustrating dream’ that one ‘can’t articulate or grasp”—Something that may feel real when you’re in it but actually “dissipates abruptly and leaves few traces in the memory.” More than just a fleeting thought, yet never fully formed. In fact, it was something that consumed Christen, while all along being so elusive that she hadn’t any idea of what was she dreaming.

A lot has changed since the day she won something with the USWNT for the very first time. 155 appearances, 64 goals, 43 assists, and two World Cups—Christen Press has indeed an unmatched US Women’s National Team legacy. With such feats, the veteran is the true epitome of a successful international career. But while her success reverberates through the halls of fame, you don’t know the struggle behind it.

“In high school and college, most of the top players were in youth,” said Press, “and I wasn’t,” during an exclusive chat with Sam Mewis on The Women’s Game podcast. Surprising as it may sound, Christen didn’t have a regular Joe’s start to her national team career. While her other peers were taking the divine route of getting into the youth national team camps, Press rather encountered frustration. It kept on building up and almost got to a point where she constantly kept herself through the wringer.

The forward recalled not being able to understand what she “needed to do” to get called up to attend the youth sessions. After all, the Los Angeles, California native knew that when you’re not in, you’re just not in! “Looking back, I don’t think very many people make the full team without going through the pipeline. Because once you’re in the pipeline, that level of development, training, and exposure is such an advantage.”

Scared that her international journey wasn’t kicking off like others, it almost made Christen feel as if she was a stranger trying to make it in a foreign place. And on top of that, when you know you have given your all to make it and still no outcome, boy oh boy what it does to your confidence. “I think for a lot of my adolescence and early adult career, I really felt like an outsider trying to get in.”

Honestly, we don’t blame Christen. During her time with the Women’s Professional Soccer side Magic Jack, Press recalled sharing the locker room and pitch alongside “nine US Women’s National Team legends”. Heck, she even made 17 appearances and notched 8 goals for the Boca Raton, Florida-based club in the single season she represented them in 2011.

In her mind, she knew she had done enough, but that still didn’t get her the call-up. “So it was really a pinnacle moment for me because the pressure had just built so much. It’s like 10 years of pressure of not being good enough,” concluded Press. Yes, that’s how really it was for the former star of Stanford Cardinal for whom she made over 98 appearances and even scored 71 goals between 2007 to 2010.

Even prior to her Magic Jack stint, Press played for USL women’s side Pali Blues, notching four goals in 10 apps. Yet, the least she could achieve on the international front was playing just six games and scoring four goals for the U.S. U23 between 2009–2010. So then who did she manage to turn the tables in her favor?

Having ‘fun’ unlocked the doors to USWNT for Christen Press

Failure to get an opportunity in the USWNT despite giving her all in the domestic scene, Christen Press took a powerful call. She moved abroad in 2012, playing for Swedish side Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC. Of course, an interesting move, considering many in America didn’t follow Sweden’s domestic landscape. But boy did it work in her favor!

Fortunately, at that time, Pia Sundhage was leading the US Women’s National Team—born and raised in Sweden. It wouldn’t be fair to deny that the former tactician wouldn’t follow her own nation’s domestic league. Next thing you know, Christen caught the eye of Sundhage, getting a call-up in the 2012 Olympic roster within 3 months.

And do you know why it actually worked out in her favor? Leaving her nation with a heavy heart, Christen just decided to enjoy the process and not bother herself with any other thing. “I’m just going to have fun and I learned so much during that first year. I played abroad and I played with a lot of joy,” she admitted to Sam Mewis in the podcast.

They say If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it never was, and that’s exactly what Christen did. “The lesson I took away was that if I hold on too tight I’m not, going to get anything that I want,” concluded the 36-year-old.

Simply poetic! As Press mentioned in her blog, “I came into this dream as a dreamer (I’m still confused by Inception), an outsider. I was the new kid on the block.” And that kid went on to live the dream in the best way possible!