Close your eyes. Imagine reliving your deepest, most painful memories, each one flooding back with vivid detail. The sounds, the colors, and the emotions all came back in a rush as if they happened just yesterday. Now, imagine doing that over and over again, knowing that it’s the only way to heal. For Jordan Chiles, this was the hardest part of writing her memoir, “I’m That Girl: Living the Power of My Dreams.”

As she revisited the trauma she’d spent years burying deep within herself, she found herself overwhelmed with emotion. “Those were the hardest moments,” she admitted in the Beyond the Records podcast with Noah Lyles and Rai Benjamin on their YouTube channel. She recalled how the tears would often flow as she thought, “There’s no way I went through this.” So, what’s the backstory?

So, it all started when Noah Lyles asked her, “When you were writing your book, did you feel that there were harder chapters to write than others?” Chiles’ response was raw and heartfelt, which anyone could feel. Chiles shared how difficult it was to revisit these painful memories. “100% my hardest chapters were the ones where I had to relive my trauma,” she admitted. “Reliving trauma isn’t easy because you have to actually go through it again. They make you close your eyes and try to remember every single detail.”

For Chiles, those moments were the hardest. It was tough to recall the painful experiences she’d blocked out to protect her heart and mind, such as the loss of her braids, her plaque being taken away, and the trauma she endured during a car incident. “There’s no way I went through this,” she said in her disbelief when those memories resurfaced. However, Chiles came to terms with the fact that these events were part of her journey as she continued writing, and confronting them allowed her to finally put them to rest.

“If someone wants to know my story, I have a whole book about my life,” she explained. “I don’t have to relive the trauma again; it’s already on paper.” Writing her memoir required tremendous effort because the process proved difficult throughout. The publishers needed Chiles to spend multiple hours over the phone.  The crucial part of this documentation process was played by Chiles’ mother, who maintained meticulous records covering her entire life, starting from social media activity to personal correspondence.

“My mom was there too because she had documented everything that happened to me. Everything,” Chiles recalled. At times, Chiles couldn’t even remember certain events and her mom had to help jog her memory. “Jordan, this is what happened,” her mom would remind her, and Chiles would respond, “No, there’s no way.” The process of piecing together her story was overwhelming, but in the end, it allowed her to see her journey from a new perspective.

Rai Benjamin approached her with a question about the message she wished readers and listeners of her book to understand. And Chiles did reveal her inner suffering at the moment when suicide plans entered her thoughts.

Jordan Chiles turned pain into power and found her voice

Jordan Chiles surely knows that her story has the power to challenge people’s assumptions. “I definitely can say, truly, I know a lot of people—this is so old school but never judge a book by its cover,” she said. “You never know what people actually go through unless you go deep into their lives, like diving into the dark web or really digging on Google.”

She admitted that, at first, she didn’t fully grasp the weight of her own life because so much of it had been blocked out for the sake of self-preservation. But as she revisited those painful memories, she realized just how strong, independent, and resilient she had been, even at such a young age. Through the audiobook presentation, she intended to convey the reality that her existence was marked by numerous imperfections.

 “I went through hard stuff. I was verbally and emotionally abused body-shamed, told I wasn’t Black told my mom wasn’t my mom because she’s Latin I heard it all.  According to Chiles, her book provided more than just emotional recollection because she wanted to demonstrate that mental health is an authentic experience.

“I was suicidal. I went through it. It’s a real situation that too many people ignore,” she revealed. The pain she endured off the mat shaped who she is today, and she emphasized that she wasn’t just a “strong girl”—she’s a strong woman. Through the pages of her memoir, she hoped to break the stigma around mental health and help others understand that struggles aren’t always visible.

“Putting all of that into a book helped me show people that mental health is real, and it’s not a joke just because we’re athletes,” she said, hoping her story would resonate with those who may be going through their own battles. Chiles also wanted to make one thing clear: she was a human being before she was an athlete. “I wasn’t birthed from gymnastics—I was birthed by my mother,” she explained.

Her sport didn’t define who she was. “Life taught me about maturity, independence, discipline, and time management,” she continued, stressing that the life of an athlete is not as glamorous as some may think. But it seems she truly understood this after hearing Michael Phelps’ journey with depression in 2013. When they finally met, Phelps’ story strengthened Jordan even more in 2021.

Michael Phelps and Chiles’ unforgettable meeting

In 2013, Michael Phelps reached a critical stage where mental health struggles surfaced in his life. At his worst, he experienced a mental breakdown, which convinced him that life wasn’t worth living. He acknowledged his state of mind was so fragile that he believed in suicide. But then, he understood he required assistance. After checking into a treatment facility, Phelps found therapy useful.

“Therapy saved my life,” he said, describing its role in restoring his comfort and authenticity. Since then, he has turned into a supporter of mental health. Even when Biles withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics, he also shared his thoughts on it with Chiles! Back in 2021, Jordan Chiles had the incredible opportunity to meet Michael Phelps during an appearance on TODAY.

After helping the U.S. women’s gymnastics team secure a silver medal, Chiles was on set to discuss Simone Biles’ withdrawal from the individual and team competitions due to twisties. While there, she spotted Phelps, and with the help of Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie, she was introduced to him live on air. When they shook hands, Chiles shared her excitement and joked, “My mom’s going to kill me.”

She then shared her admiration for him, saying, “You’re such an inspiration. I know it’s not even like you’re not a gymnast but just an athlete yourself. You’re such an inspiration to a lot of people. So thank you.” Phelps graciously responded with a simple, “Thank you.” That special occasion created an unforgettable experience for Chiles, which she will always treasure.

Since that memorable event, Chiles, together with other athletes including Phelps, led the mental health discussion by demonstrating strength requires more than just muscle. No, sometimes, it’s about having the guts to face your struggles and speak out about them.