“Stats are for losers. They relish in them,” Jerry Jones once scoffed, but even the Dallas Cowboys’ maverick owner knows you can’t ignore a 3,169-yard college RB staring you down at The Star. Dallas hasn’t drafted a first-round RB since 1989. Jerry’s playing 4D chess while we’re playing checkers. So grab your Dr Pepper, y’all. This draft’s gonna be wilder than a rodeo bull.

Enter Damien Martinez — Oregon State’s human bulldozer turned Miami Hurricanes standout — who strutted into Frisco this week like he owned the place (spoiler: he kinda does). Meanwhile, local legend Ashton Jeanty — Boise State’s 2,601-yard dynamo and Frisco’s prodigal son — has Jerry’s wallet itching like a 4th-and-1 gamble. Buckle up, y’all. The Cowboys’ backfield saga just got spicier than a Texas jalapeño popper.

Let’s break tackles first: Martinez isn’t just a running back. He’s a vibe. The kid’s got 3,169 career rushing yards (6.2 per carry, 26 TDs) and a highlight reel thicker than a brisket sandwich. Remember that time he dropped four touchdowns on Stanford like confetti? Or his 75-yard Pop-Tarts Bowl sprint that left Iowa State defenders chewing crumbs? “Every day, you’ve got to earn your place,” Martinez says, channeling Friday Night Lights’ Coach Taylor vibes. ‘You want to be your best self.’

But here’s the twist: Martinez’s NIL game’s almost as slick as his cuts. From a $400K Oregon State deal (that got messy) to Miami’s hush-hush Canes Connection bag, he’s learned cash rules everything—even NCAA loyalty. Yet, when he posted that pic at The Star, captioning it “The Star in Frisco,” Cowboys fans lost it faster than Dak Prescott spotting CeeDee Lamb in space . “Dude’s Zeke 2.0!” one tweeted. Cowboys CEO (and Jerry Jones’ son) Stephen Jones? He’s playing it cool: “We’re doing our homework.” Translation: We’re 100% doing more than homework.

Jones-Jeanty’s homecoming hustle

Now flip the script to Jeanty — Frisco’s own golden child who rushed for 2,601 yards last year (second only to Barry Freakin’ Sanders). The kid’s basically Remember the Titans’ Sunshine meets Usain Bolt, and he’s been eyeing that Cowboys star since high school. “I’d love to play for Dallas—it’s a dream,” Jeanty gushed, flexing that Frisco pride. “They’ve always had a good RB. When they do, they ball.”

But hold the ranch dressing: Jerry’s reportedly balking at using the No. 12 pick on Jeanty, despite his “Dallas Day” loophole advantage (local kids don’t count against pre-draft visits). Cue Emmitt Smith’s side-eye: “If he comes now, he’ll get beat up. We’re not ready.” Oof.

Meanwhile, Jeanty’s stacking NIL deals like pancakes — SAXX Underwear “Thighs-man,” Hal Davis bling — proving he’s more marketable than a Whataburger at midnight. “Don’t chase the bag. Chase dreams,” he insists. The guy with a $1.6M valuation.

So, who’s Jerry gonna pick? Martinez’s power? Jeanty’s hometown hype? Either way, the Cowboys’ RB room needs a jolt worse than a defibrillator. Remember: Zeke’s ghost still haunts that backfield, and Tony Pollard’s exit left a hole bigger than Texas itself. As Stephen Jones quipped, “It’s great having the best RB down the street.” Translation: We’re either geniuses or gonna get roasted on Twitter.

Final Whistle:

• Martinez: Power back with a chip
• Jeanty: Hometown hero with jets
• Jerry: Chaotic neutral

May the best star win. 🏈