In the NFL, each penalty counts, coaches don’t just draw up the perfect play, they know when to flash a grin, when to argue just enough to plant a seed of doubt, and when to work the refs so subtly that they don’t even realize it’s happening. Some guys, like Nick Sirianni, go the loud and passionate route, “He gives a pretty good earful,” as Brian Callahan put it. Others, like Sean McVay, win over refs with charm and confidence. Imagine a closed-room, behind-the-scenes NFL coaches’ meeting, where they casually expose each other’s secrets; who sweet-talks refs the best, who’s got the smoothest charm.

Much to the surprise, in a recent CBS Sports interview, coaches such as Mike Tomlin, Sean McVay, Nick Sirianni, Pete Carroll, Jonathan Gannon, Todd Bowles, Dan Quinn, Raheem Morris, Sean Payton, Brian Callahan, Dave Canales, and Kevin O’Connell joined in a discussion with Aditi Kinkhabwala, where the head coaches spill the tea on their colleagues without hesitation. We have Washington Commanders head coach Dan Quinn exposing Pittsburgh Steelers‘ Mike Tomlin’s ‘Secret Sauce’ at sweet-talking refs.

Quinn playfully suggested that Tomlin possesses a certain unique “secret sauce” that endears him to sway officials in his favour.“I think Mike Tomlin has some secret sauce that gets spread over his way,” Quinn remarked. “I’d like to know a little bit more about that.” The interview was quite revealing. Coaches shared amusing insights into which of their peers excel at charming referees, with other HCs reacting to it.

Tomlin has been the HC of the Steelers since 2007, which makes him the longest-tenured active HC in the NFL. In his time, he has never had a losing season. Call it a mind-blowing feat in a league built for parity. He has led the Steelers to 10+ playoff appearances, seven AFC North titles, three AFC Championship Games, and a Super Bowl SB XLIII victory in 2009.

Tomlin’s charismatic and sometimes enigmatic interactions with referees have long been a topic of light-hearted discussion among his peers. He is regarded as one of the best motivators in the NFL for a reason. His ability to influence officiating, through charm, sarcasm, or well-timed persuasion, makes him a tad more intriguing than the rest.

The conversation also called out a few other coaches, like Nick Sirianni who was singled out by Brian Callahan. “He gives a pretty good earful,” Callahan addressed Sirianni’s fiery energy. Todd Bowles got a fun nod from Sean Payton, who called him “a little bit sneaky” and pointed out that his warm smile and soothing voice make him weirdly good at sweet-talking. But if there’s one coach who got the most votes to get the ref game down like a pro, it’s Sean McVay.

Sean McVay, master manipulator?

In the discussion, Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay was a popular choice when it came to influencing officials. Dave Canales, Kevin O’Connell, and Todd Bowles pointed out McVay as the coach who best sweet-talks referees. “Sean McVay, absolutely. He might go 32-0 with that question,” said Minnesota Vikings head coach Kevin O’Connell, who previously worked under McVay as his offensive coordinator.

Bowles added a humorous take, saying, “I can’t tell what he is saying, but he looks good saying it.” McVay’s high-energy coaching style and animated sideline presence have made him one of the most recognizable figures in the NFL. Whether his perceived ability to manipulate referees is an actual skill or just a product of his charisma, it’s clear that his peers recognize his influence.

Sean McVay took over as Rams head coach in 2017. He was just 30 years old, which makes him the NFL’s youngest head coach ever, and he wasted no time proving he belonged there. He’s led the Rams to two Super Bowls, winning Super Bowl LVI, and stacked up three NFC West titles in 2017, 2018, 2021. While the discussion was all in good fun, it highlights an often-overlooked aspect of coaching, the ability to communicate effectively with referees. Whether through strategy, charm, or sheer persistence, some coaches have developed a reputation for getting calls to go their way.

As the 2025 NFL season approaches, fans must keep an eye on how these coaches will interact next. We will have Tomlin’s secret sauce, McVay’s smooth-talking, and even Sirianni’s fiery approach. Hope they keep up with this underrated art in the NFL to keep the spark alive.