Dez Bryant wasn’t just a player—he was a vibe. Over nine seasons, he racked up 537 catches, 7,506 yards, and 77 TDs, etching his name into Cowboys lore. Under Jason Garrett’s tenure, he hit peak Dez-ness: 92 grabs, 1,382 yards, 12 TDs in 2012 alone. Garrett once compared him to Michael Irvin, gushing, “Dez Bryant has a lot of those same traits.” Fast-forward to 2024, and Bryant is basically yelling, “I’ll have what he’s having!” at Irvin’s legacy.

“With all the trauma I’ve experienced growing up, it’s hard for me to see anybody I know fail… Besides Jason Garrett!” Dez Bryant tweeted this week, tossing shade at his former coach like a halftime pizza box. Cue the fireworks, Cowboys Nation, cracks formed faster than in a Dallas O-line in December. By 2018, Dez felt Garrett’s philosophy was about as useful as a screen door on a submarine: “Never respected his philosophy toward players or game.”

Translation: Garrett’s play-calling made him wanna yeet a Gatorade cooler. The final straw? Getting cut in 2018, which Dez blamed on Garrett’s “guys working against him.” Cue the world’s tiniest violin playing Should’ve Stayed in the DMs. Let’s pivot to the good stuff. Remember Dez’s “Was it a catch?!” moment in the 2014 playoffs? The dude snagged a 31-yard laser from Romo on 4th-and-2 against Green Bay, only for refs to reverse it like a bad Tinder swipe.

The NFL changed its rules because of that play. Mic. Drop. Or his 3-TD demolition of Philly in 2014? “Ima clear you a path right here now,” he might as well have growled mid-route. And who could forget his 93-yard punt return TD as a rookie? Dude was out there moving like Usain Bolt in shoulder pads.

Jerry Jones’ wallet: The real MVP or Dez Bryant’s villain?

Now, let’s talk about Jerry Jones. The man’s as subtle as a Lamborghini in a Walmart parking lot. In 2015, he chose Dez over DeMarco Murray after Murray’s 1,845-yard, 13-TD MVP-caliber season. Murray bolted to Philly, flopped harder than The Room, and the Cowboys spiraled to 4-12. “I wanted to take a pay cut to keep the team together,” Dez Bryant revealed this week, dropping truth bombs like confetti at a parade.

Fans exploded faster than a Dak Prescott deep ball: “Jerry Jones is a f—— idiot. He’s gonna mess around and lose Micah too.” Cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme. Jerry’s “billionaire frugality” isn’t new—remember when he lowballed Emmitt Smith in the ‘90s? History’s rhyming harder than Eminem right about now. The man’s a maestro of chaos. Letting DeMarco walk was like trading a Ferrari for a coupon book.

Now, with Micah Parsons‘ contract looming, fans are side-eyeing Jerry harder than a halftime nacho shortage. “Billionaires having millionaires take less, so they’re more profitable,” one fan roasted. Oof. Even Garrett caught strays. Dez’s tweetstorm included gems like “Tony Romo & Jason Garrett were not in his corner!”—a nod to Garrett’s alleged favoritism. Meanwhile, Garrett’s coaching legacy? 85-67 record, one Coach of the Year nod, and a rep for being as inspiring as a PowerPoint on tax codes.

Dez Bryant’s message is clear: loyalty > ledger. But in Jerry’s world, profit margins are the real playbook. As Cowboys fans rage-tweet and Parsons’ agent makes longing eyes at contract offers, one thing’s certain: Dallas’ drama ain’t fading faster than a Dak Prescott playoff run. So here’s to Dez—the guy who gave us meme-worthy catches, fiery rants, and enough tea to fill Jerry’s stadium. And to Jason Garrett? Well, as Dez might say: “Life is hard… if you’re a hustler, go get it!” Preferably far, far away from Dallas.

Fade to “Should’ve Been a Cowboy.”