The Cincinnati Bengals’ 2024 season started like The Hangover trilogy—waking up disoriented, missing their mojo, and wondering how they ended up 0-3 after losses to the Patriots (a 16-10 snooze-fest), Chiefs (a 26-25), and Commanders (a 38-33 shootout where the defense forgot to hit the brakes). Joe Burrow, slinging dimes like he was Tony Stark building a new Iron Man suit (NFL-leading 4,918 yards, 43 TDs), might as well have yelled, ‘I’m here to chew bubblegum and throw touchdowns… and I’m all out of bubblegum.’ Post the 2024 season, enters the Tee Higgins and Ja’Marr Chase dilemma.

The Bengals’ front office is sweating harder than LeBron in Game 7. Why? Because their ironclad “no guarantees beyond Year 1” contract policy—a rule they only bent for golden boy Joe Burrow—is now staring down the barrel of a Mission: Impossible dilemma. Retain superstar receivers Chase and Higgins? Or watch rivals swoop in like seagulls at a beach picnic? Let’s break it down.

The Bengals’ contract conundrum: “Show me the money…for more than one year”

Cincinnati’s front office has long operated like an Ocean’s Eleven heist crew—strict rules, no deviations. But after inking Burrow to a $275M deal with $146.5M fully guaranteed (a big-sized exception), they’re being asked to crack the vault again. Chase, who just pulled off the WR ‘triple crown‘ since the last one in 2021 (127 catches, 1,708 yards, 17 TDs), wants a bag that rivals Justin Jefferson’s $35M/year deal. Fresh off a 73/911/10 stat line despite missing five games, Higgins is eyeing $25M+/year. Problem? The Bengals’ piggy bank only has $46M in cap space. And their ‘no Year 2 guarantees’ policy is as flexible as a brick wall.

As ESPN’s Dan Graziano put it: “The biggest obstacle the Bengals face in signing any free agent ever is their contract structure. They don’t guarantee money beyond the first year. They made an exception for Burrow. If Chase, Higgins, and Trey Hendrickson insist on second-year guarantees, the Bengals either change their DNA…or say goodbye.” Translation: Cincy’s front office needs an Omega-level glow-up.

But wait—it gets messier. Graziano doubled down, noting Higgins’s franchise tag limbo: “Tee can be franchised again. It’d cost about $26M. Not ridiculous, but maybe not something they wanna do with all their other needs.” And with Chase’s extension talks stalled over guarantees, Graziano dropped the mic: “So no, Kevin. Not that simple. Bengals are in for a tricky offseason.” Burrow’s already volunteered to restructure his deal, but even that might not save a team built on thriftiness.

Translation: Cincy’s front office needs a Loki-level glow-up. Burrow’s already volunteered to restructure his deal. But even that might not save a team built on thriftiness. Tee Higgins loves Cincy like Ted Lasso loves biscuits. “I’d love to stay…but it’s not in my control,” he sighed, sounding like a rom-com lead before the third-act breakup.

But behind the scenes? He swapped agents mid-season to align with Chase’s rep—a power move slicker than Succession’s Logan Roy. Translation: Higgins wants guarantees, not hope. And if the Bengals won’t budge? Well…

Steelers & Patriots: The vultures circling

Enter Pittsburgh and New England, armed with cash and desperation. The Steelers, who haven’t splurged in free agency since Friends was on the air, are suddenly eyeing Higgins like he’s a Primanti Bros. sandwich. Why? Because George Pickens needs a wingman. And Higgins has torched Pittsburgh for 697 yards and 4 TDs in eight games (“He’s our kryptonite,” groaned one Steelers fan). But offering $30M/year? That’d require owner Art Rooney II to break open his vintage piggy bank.

Meanwhile, the Patriots—fresh off a 2024 season where their top WR (DeMario Douglas) had fewer yards than a Brooklyn Nine-Nine punchline—are lurking. With $119M in cap space and owner Robert Kraft eager to shake off criticism for being cheap, they’re ready to offer Higgins a big contract. “I think he’s going to New England,” an NFL GM told The Washington Post. “They really want this guy.”

Imagine Higgins in Foxboro: Drake Maye’s deep-ball buddy and a beacon of hope in a rebuild. Higgins’s Instagram post—“Priorities are rare, options are everywhere”—might as well be a neon sign flashing “PAY ME.” But with Chase also demanding a Brinks truck, Cincy’s stuck between gridiron glory and fiscal responsibility. Do they morph into the Empire and break their own rules?

Or let Higgins walk, hoping draft picks fill the void? Either way, January’s “Finish the f*****g game!” rage (after a Chargers loss) proves one thing: Tee’s done waiting. Tick-tock, Bengals. The AFC’s vultures are hungry.