“Doesn’t Know Who the F*ck I Am”: Gut-Busting Tale on Billionaire Mets’ Owner Steve Cohen Roasting Comedian for ‘Bombing’ on His 60th Birthday Told on Joe Rogan’s Podcast

Imagine this: You’re a comedian hired to perform at a swanky 60th birthday bash. The audience you expect has cool swagger and is eager to know that one standup statement of yours that’s famous around all the local clubs. And then, you walk into a room filled with stoic strangers—businessmen, mega moguls, record producers with foul mouths, and the birthday boy himself. The billionaire king of the crowd has absolutely no damn idea about who you might be while some of his closest friends are ready to throw you off your makeshift stage at a moment’s notice. It sounds like a horror movie in the making, right? Well…it’s nothing compared to the situation that comedian Chris Distefano found himself in at New York Mets’ owner Steve Cohen’s 60th secret birthday bash. And the rest was, well, history.

Ditefano had expected a cozy family gathering as the booking came from Lady Cohen herself. “I thought it was gonna be Steve and his family!”, Chris Distefano revealed on the Joe Rogan podcast. Chris Distefano described how he had planned some lighthearted jokes about his Puerto Rican family. assuming Mrs. Cohen would enjoy the relatable material. But, when it comes to billionaires and their celebrations, it turns out that life doesn’t always follow the same script.

“They rented out this restaurant; nobody’s supposed to know about it,” Distefano recounted, painting a picture of the cloak-and-dagger atmosphere. Even after introducing himself several times including three times to Steve Cohen, recognition remained elusive. Chris’ anxiety was palpable as he described how Ned (Cohen’s assistant) muttered, “They just got served their entrees, so we were thinking you can just stand in front of the table and do a few minutes.”

Defeating the disheartening atmosphere, Distefano dove headfirst into his routine. But the results were… disastrous? “I am f*cking bombing!” he exclaimed to a positively terrified Rogan. While, the comedian, in his depicted room, was accompanied only by the sounds of clinking cutlery and disinterested murmurs of billionaires and their friends. One of whom was actually disappointed to know that he’s not the “Chris Rock” Chris, and another one who asked, “Who the f*ck is that?!” His joke about Mariah Carey aimed at her ex, Tommy Mottola, landed with a resounding thud with a comeback joke that bordered on… well, let’s not get into controversies here. Adding “salt” to the injury, someone even launched a rogue shrimp at him. 

Just when things couldn’t get any more hilariously awkward, the owner of the Queens, Steve Cohen himself, intervened. “Listen to me.” Steve went in, not beating around the bush as usual—“What did my wife tell you?” After Distefano told him everything, beginning with his wife’s wishes and 15 minutes of hoped-for stage time, vouching on his Puerto Rican roots to show how good he is at his jokes, the comedian got a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s… I’m not Puerto Rican, though.” Was it disheartening for him? Well, if the moments that followed are any proof, you can bet your bucks it wasn’t!

Steve Cohen comes to the rescue. Or should we call it a review?

DiStefano was shell-shocked at how the chat took a turn when he was offered a chance to redeem himself. “Why don’t you do that?… Do those best five,” Steve Cohen told the comedian after asking him about his best performance (which turned out to be a David Letterman segment; talk about classic!). “I’m going to tell my guys to listen, do those best.” And then what?

“If you can get me to laugh in those 5 minutes, I’ll double whatever my wife gave you,” said Steve Cohen. The stakes were high. Chris Distefano abandoned his original jokes and channeled his inner Letterman. He launched into a well-honed set from his appearance on the legendary late-night show. This time, the room was silent, but for a different reason. The tension was thick, but then something magical happened. Cohen started laughing. And so did his friends. 

Just like that, Distefano secured the funny bone of the billionaire and, more importantly, doubled his paycheck. The experience, as Distefano himself admits, is a hilarious reminder. He says that sometimes the best opportunities come from the most unexpected—or nerve-wracking circumstances. Despite the rocky start and lack of recognition, Distefano’s talent shone through. All he needed was a little Mets-flavored push!