“Doesn’t Know Who the F*ck I Am”: Gut-Busting Tale on Billionaire Mets Owner Steve Cohen Roasting Comedian for ‘Bombing’ on His 60th Birthday Told on Joe Rogan’s Podcast

Imagine this: You’re a comedian hired to perform at a swanky 60th birthday bash. The audience you want comes with sort of a cool swagger and enough humor to tickle, eager to know that one statement standup of yours that’s famous around all the local clubs. And then, you walk into a room filled with stoic strangers—businessmen, mega moguls, record producers with potty mouths—and the birthday boy himself, the billionaire king of the crowd, of sorts, has absolutely no damn idea about who you might be—with some of his closest friends ready to throw you off your makeshift stage at a moment’s notice. It sounds like a horror movie in the making, right? Well… It’s nothing compared to the gut-busting situation that comedian Chris DiStefano found himself in at New York Mets’ owner Steve Cohen’s 60th secret birthday bash. And the rest was, well, kind of history.

After being called in by none other than Lady Steve herself as a surprise to her hubby, DiStefano was expecting a cozy family gathering. “I thought it was gonna be Steve and his family!” he revealed to a very curious yet full-of-dread Joe Rogan in a recent segment of his podcast. As Chris went on describing how he planned some lighthearted jokes about his Puerto Rican family, assuming Mrs. Cohen would enjoy the relatable material… But when it comes to billionaires and their celebrations, it turns out that life doesn’t always follow the same script.

“They rented out this restaurant; nobody’s supposed to know about it,” DiStefano recounted to Joe Rogan, painting a picture of the cloak-and-dagger atmosphere. Even after introducing himself several times (including three times to Steve Cohen’s clearly couldn’t have cared any less assistant, Ned), recognition remained elusive. Even through his voice, Chris’ anxiety was palpable as he described how Ned muttered, “They just got served their entrees, so we were thinking you can just stand in front of the table and do a few minutes.”

Defeating the disheartening atmosphere, DiStefano, ever the trooper, dove headfirst into his routine. But the results were… disastrous? “I am f*cking bombing!” he exclaimed to a positively terrified Rogan, whose gasps full of “Oh my GOD”-s were heard aplenty throughout the banter. Well, lucky for him, because Chris in his depicted room was only being accompanied by sounds of clinking cutlery and disinterested murmurs of billionaires and their friends, one of whom was actually disappointed to know that he’s not the “Chris Rock” Chris, and another one who asked, “Who the f*ck is that?!” His joke about Mariah Carey aimed at her ex, Tommy Mottola, landed with a resounding thud with a comeback joke that bordered on… well, let’s not get into controversies here. Adding in“salt” to the injury, someone even launched a rogue shrimp at him. A comedic baptism by a crustacean, anyone?

Just when things couldn’t get any more hilariously awkward, the deft talent-hunting owner of the Queens, Steve Cohen himself, intervened. No, the billionaire wasn’t looking to add “comedian heckler” to his resume. Maybe he saw hints of some good fun that he really could get out of this boy before him, one who might have even started sweating through his ears for his nerves? Instead, Cohen, in a move that screams his “money talks” mentality, made a deal.

“Listen to me.” Steve went in, not beating around the bush as usual—“What did my wife tell you?” After DiStefano told him everything, beginning with his wife’s wishes and 15 minutes of hoped-for stage time, vouching on his Puerto Rican roots to show how good he is at his jokes, Chris got a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s… I’m not Puerto Rican, though.” Was it disheartening for him? Well, if the moments that followed are any proof, you can bet your bucks it wasn’t!

Steve Cohen comes to the rescue. Or should we call it a review?

DiStefano was shell-shocked at how the chat took a turn, and so was Joe Rogan, who, when he heard the story of Cohen, perhaps recognizing the sheer absurdity of the situation or the talent of the comic before him, offered DiStefano a chance to redeem himself. “Why don’t you do that?” The cunning Cohen ever-so-soothingly challenged Chris: “Do those best five,” he told the comedian after asking him about his best performance (which turned out to be a David Letterman segment; talk about classic!). “I’m going to tell my guys to listen, do those best.” And then what?

“If you can get me to laugh in those 5 minutes, I’ll double whatever my wife gave you,” said the ever-daring Steve Cohen, pushing the person in front of him to see how far he actually ran at his best. The stakes were high. Suddenly, the unappetizing shrimp projectile seemed like a distant memory.

With his back against the wall (or, more accurately, a table full of wealthy businessmen), Chris DiStefano abandoned his original jokes and channeled his inner Letterman. He launched into a well-honed set from his appearance on the legendary late-night show. This time, the room was silent, but for a different reason. The tension was thick, but then something magical happened. Cohen started laughing his heart out. And so did his friends. “OH MY GOD!!!” screamed Rogan, listening to Chris talk about it—once again, but this time it was full of a happy surprise!

Just like that, DiStefano secured the funny bone of the billionaire and, more importantly, doubled his paycheck. The experience, as DiStefano himself admits, is a hilarious reminder that sometimes the best opportunities come from the most unexpected—or nerve-wracking circumstances. Despite the rocky start and lack of recognition, DiStefano’s talent shone through. All he needed was a little Mets-flavored push!