Reputation can be a funny thing. However pristine, once ruined, it takes forever to restore it to its former glory. Sometimes it remains tarnished forever, especially when it comes to certain celebrities. In the late 1990s and throughout the early 2000s, Alex Rodriguez‘s standing in the baseball world was unquestionable. Whatever the situation off the field, he was a juggernaut on the diamond. A hard hitter with a reputation for being hotheaded; no one wanted to cross him. But then the year 2009 rolled around, and everything came to naught.

A majority of baseball fans have not yet forgiven A-Rod for his PED usage past and they may never do it. Not only that but according to the former Yankee, it took him a long time to forgive himself too. Steroid use is next to sacrilege in the eyes of fans, and it’s as good as a curse upon oneself. But Rodriguez thinks it turned into a gift too.

Alex Rodriguez details the curse and the gift that his PED suspension turned into

Twice in MLB history, A-Rod has signed the most lucrative contract in the league. The second time, he broke his own record. The numbers only proved what a fantastic player he was; everyone wanted a piece of him and was willing to give him whatever he asked for. And yet, given his talent, A-Rod was accused of using PEDs in 2009 and later became involved in the Biogenesis scandal. It would be a career-ending for anyone but the ex-shortstop still powered through.

However, the shadows of that mistake still haunt him. “I let so many people down. And when I think about that moment – the gift and the curse of it – the curse is obvious,” Rodriguez told former NHL player Henrik Lundqvist on his podcast, Club30. “The gift was that it was the first time in my life that I heard the word no with a capital N and a capital O.”

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The more harmful consequences of this situation were, of course, clear. But for A-Rod, it was also a significant learning experience. It forced him to introspect. Why he did what he did and how it all tied into his childhood experiences is something he was forced to think about because of the suspension.

A-Rod the businessman gave an apt real estate analogy for his growth

After the fiasco went down, the former Yankee turned to therapy. He wanted to get down to the root of the problem and do some soul-searching. “That’s where my journey with therapy started and I turned the lens inward. And I had a lot of work to do,” he told Lundqvist. “And sometimes, you get a house – I’m in real estate – you can buy something, put paint, windows. You can fix it up but this time I had to tear the whole house down. And start with one brick at a time.”

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After all was said and done, A-Rod came back to play with the Bronx Bombers and is now among the top franchise players that lead the home run chart.